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  Chapter 2

  The afternoon bell pierces the tranquillity of the staff room, bringing me to my feet. Another day finished, but not over yet. Today’s bell sends me striding down the familiar corridors of the school, thoughts of yesterday’s victory fresh in my mind, notebook in hand. Debrief time. A chance to see what my girls really think of their rookie Coach.

  Sam and Nancy are lounging in the vacant classroom. Sarah beside them, listening and laughing as Sam and Nancy discuss boys. They all stop on seeing me.

  “Afternoon, Miss Conrad,” Sarah greets. Sam and Nancy straightening their chairs.

  I don’t know why the title makes me so uncomfortable. I’m only a handful of years older than the seniors.

  “Afternoon, Coach,” Sam echoes with a cheeky smile.

  “Afternoon, girls,” I greet them. Others walking in. The school gate outside the window packed with students going one direction.

  Soon I’m up in front of the girls, not teaching this time. My task today is to listen.

  “Great win yesterday. Hope you all recovered. I’m glad there’s no injuries. Our next match is against Moss Vale. An away game. Friday afternoon in 2 weeks. Is everyone okay with that?”

  The girls all nod.

  “Great. The weather forecast says it’ll be pushing 40 degrees. I hope they are wrong, but come prepared.”

  A few groans. Nothing will change the weather though.

  “So, well done yesterday, let’s talk about the match.” I throw open the floor to discussion. “Sam, you first. What did you think? Then anyone else just jump in.”

  The silence following my question surprises me.

  “Sorry, Miss Conrad. Your style is going to take a bit of getting used to,” Sam answers after a few hesitant seconds.

  “My style?”

  More silence convincing me I’ll need to do the talking after all. I hide my disappointment.

  “Fine, how about this then? Here I am. My aim this year is to win the State Championship.” Ignoring Sam’s doubtful look. “You all have amazing ability, and we have some work to do. I like to collaborate. And right now I need you all to tell me about the match you just won. So, one more time, Sam?”

  The doubtful look is still on her face when she speaks up. “I thought we killed them in the first half. They barely got a look in. One suggestion, we need to be quicker making tactical changes when the momentum shifts. Like the start of the second half. They put us under a lot of pressure early but we didn’t make any changes until it started raining goals.” Sam looking straight at me. “In the end I had to call the change to bring Brooke on.”

  “I agree.” I was curious to see what would happen, thought five goals would be enough. “I did wait too long to make changes. It taught me a valuable lesson about how quickly the goals can come in. I’ll be ready for next time.” I make sure all the girls see me nodding at Sam. “One positive is I’ve discovered a position that’s perfect for Brooke. We’ll work on that in training to have a counter attacking setup if we need it.”

  I scan the girls, eager for the next comment.

  Anna speaks up next. “That was frustrating not having any help before it started raining goals. Ms X discouraged us making tactical changes, suggesting things, or talking out of line.” Sam stifles a giggle at Anna’s candidness. “Maybe we need a system to communicate from the field, Miss Conrad. Ms X was a lot more proactive. I suppose you’ll get better at reading the game.”

  “Yes I will,” I answer the criticism with another nod. “Bear with me. I’m a fast learner.”

  This much is true. If coaching is a mental game, then I am ready.

  “Also,” I keep on, “the system to communicate to me from the field is called shouting. Same as my system to talk to you.” And I get the laughs I desire, smile back with point made. “Anything else?” I ask.

  “We need to get fitter.” I’m glad when Nancy speaks up. “Especially if Miss Conrad is going to use us for longer spells than Ms X did.”

  My curiosity grows. Noticing Danielle’s reaction every time Ms X gets a mention.

  “That will come,” I reply, “but I will be playing the conditions too, if you are on the bench you need to be ready.”

  I go around a few more times before closing our meeting.

  “Danielle. Do you mind if I have a word with you before you go?” I ask, the girls preparing to leave.

  Danielle’s eyes go everywhere but mine.

  “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble,” I smile warmly, trying to calm her. Everyone else standing to flee without a word. Leaving Danielle sitting, frozen in her seat. Whoops.

  “I think I know what you want to talk about,” Danielle offers, and there will be no more calming the girl. I decide to get to the point.

  “I notice you’re nervous – around the girls.” I wait, no reaction, so I continue. “Like, you’re worried. I think last year has something to do with that, but no one’s talking about it.” Wonder if her response will be stony silence, the full story with tears, or something in between. “I heard morale was low and Mr Ripley asked me to help with that. But I can’t help if I don’t know about what happened.”

  Danielle’s answer, though minimal, gives me something to go on. “Four of the team quit before a game against Queanbeyan. Goulburn lost. Season over.”

  I soften my voice as much as I can, know earning Danielle’s trust is as important as what’s gone on last year. “Tell me about it. Why did they quit? Please trust that I’m not going to use this to punish anyone. I just need to understand what happened so I can help.”

  “Only three players quit that afternoon, Sam, Nancy and Anna.” Danielle’s eyes trail out the classroom door. “The fourth player was me. I didn’t quit, I was kicked out.” She turns to me, shaking her head. “I called Ms X a boring dinosaur at training and she booted me out of the team straight away. I regret it, but she made things so boring and so technical. I just… snapped.”

  “That’s not a nice thing to say, especially to a teacher.”

  My words push Danielle back in her chair, sends her white.

  Turn that head on Maggie! I shout at myself. Win her trust! What would I have done? What had Kathy done when we dared to criticise her?

  The young defender’s sobbing catches me off guard, “I told her I was sorry, but she looked me in the eye and said she would rather lose than let a troublemaker back into the team.”

  I force myself to focus on Danielle’s story. “Nancy found me crying on the oval. I explained why.” A little sigh, her eyes drifting out the door again. And I follow to check no one’s standing there. “She promised to put in a word for me at training that afternoon.”

  A vision appears. A determined Nancy Kenyon facing off with an equally determined Zara Xerxes, the fireworks would have been enormous.

  Poor girl. I think. Playing with forces she can’t control.

  “No one repeats exactly what they said. But Nancy, Sam and Anna all walked out. The rest of the girls were too scared to go, but they didn’t want to play anymore. We got hammered by Queanbeyan. That was it, our season was over.”

  A nod’s the best I can do to calm her down. Though inside I’m cringing. “How did the girls take that?”

  A deep breath before she answers, “everyone was really disappointed.”

  And I know Danielle’s description doesn’t just include the team. Everyone includes the parents of the girls, the supporters of the school, and the community in general. Coping with the pressure and expectation of everyone is going to be a difficult challenge. My previous victories as a student will earn me some grace. But I’ll need to stay in Carol’s good books too.

  Still Danielle’s story continues. “Ms Xerxes was mean to us for the rest of the year. Nancy and I both had her for PE, so I’d have nightmares about seeing her twice a week. She’d pick on me all the time in class, and I was too scared to say anything to anyone about it.” Danielle stops, unsure.

  It is my turn. Say something. An
ything.

  Zara had been the Coach of Newcastle. Multiple Championships won under her stewardship, the rivalry between Newcastle and Goulburn fierce. Clearly her methods hadn’t worked as well here as it had there.

  “Danielle, you’ll be a valuable player for us this year. I picked you on your performance at the tryouts,” I reassure her. “You were very brave to open up. So please keep talking to me about things troubling you, I want to help you move past last year.” The look in her eyes tell me I’m getting through. I push on. “I’m not Ms Xerxes. There will be times when I will need to tell people off, but I’m not looking forward to it.”

  “Do you think anybody on the team blames me for what happened?” Danielle asks, looking up at me.

  And just like that I get to the bottom of Danielle’s behaviour. Uncertainty her biggest worry. I can’t lie to her, pretending would only make her insecurity worse.

  “I can’t say for sure. But I will try to get to the bottom of that for you. Besides Ms Xerxes, was anyone else angry at you after what happened?”

  “No. Everyone was so nice, it was like, ‘shame about what happened, see you next year.’”

  “Who said that?” The question out before I can shut it down.

  “I don’t know. No one actually said those words.” Danielle closes right off. Pulling away, her face losing colour again.

  “Because Ms Xerxes would never have picked you this year, whoever reassured you would have known she was leaving, or being forced to leave.” I don’t know why, but I attack with the ferocity of a tiger. “Did Francis, um, Mr Cole say anything to you about that?” My brain screaming at me to stop talking, but it’s too late.

  The rest of the conversation is predictable.

  “No, no, no.” Danielle transforms back to a frightened girl. “No one said that, it’s just my recollection of all the well wishes I got last year.”

  Damage limitation time! I scold myself.

  “Sorry. I took that the wrong way.” I try to apologise, but know it’s too late, this conversation is over.

  “That’s okay, Miss, I have to go home now,” Danielle answers too quickly. “Thanks for hearing me out.”

  “Thank you, Danielle. Nothing you’ve said makes me respect you any less, or makes me want you in my team any less.” Danielle already walking out quickly without another word. “See you at training.”

  Perhaps I’ve also said goodbye to my hopes of unlocking this mystery.

  I hold my anger until I’m safely in my car. Bang the steering wheel. Danielle trusted me enough to open up, and I attacked, pushed too hard. Desperation taking over. No doubt she would call her friends as soon as she gets home. The damage could be widespread by this evening.

  One thought fills my drive home. Dammit Maggie! What were you thinking?

  I hurl my bag at the sofa. In the process knocking over a lamp. 4:30pm already and the drive to Wollongong will take about two hours. It’s going to be hard to be sexy with so much on my mind.

  For the second time in a week I doubt my ability to Coach. Smart and logical I may be, but leadership? Beyond me.

  But I decide to put the doubt aside, focus on tonight. I’ve not seen Solo for weeks. He deserves to see me at my best, both physically and mentally. He’ll get exactly what he deserves.